Random Thoughts

• Why do the new Pizza Hut TV spots show people laughing and clapping when they learn that, what they thought was a high-end dinner, turns out to be a catered affair from “America’s Favorite Pizza”?

I don’t know about you, but I would be irate! Furthermore, I don’t buy that their meals could be confused with gourmet pasta. If so, why is Pizza Hut only charging $11.99 for three (yes, you read that correctly) pounds of this stuff?

• Another bogus ad campaign currently running is the dreck being peddled by MillerCoors, promoting the, literal, worst beer on the planet Miller Genuine Draft, or MGD for those who are in the know. These spots feature “hidden-camera” scenarios where people are facing moral dilemmas such as alerting a cashier when they are given too much change or returning a cell phone to someone that left it in a cab.

I have no concrete evidence of this, but I believe these commercials are completely bogus.

First, the bars shown in these commercials seem to be really nice establishments that are clean, roomy, well lit and filled with some fairly attractive people. However, in each there are massive, elaborate MGD displays behind the bar. Anyone that has been to a bar that touts MGD as their house brew has never encountered cleanliness, ample room to roam, quality lighting or remotely attractive people in said establishments. Never.

Secondly, the spots show people that do not take the moral high road and refuse to return the person’s cell phone or the excess change. Now, I have no doubt that there are dishonest people out there. However, I highly doubt that these people would be willing to appear as thieves and jerks on a national ad campaign. These people would have to sign release forms allowing MillerCoors to use their face in any promotional activity. Could you imagine the conversation?

MillerCoors rep: Excuse me sir, we’re shooting a commercial for MGD about genuinely good people choosing to drink a genuinely good beer like MGD. We happened to film you and would like your permission to use that footage in a commercial that will run all over the country.

Guy in the bar: Sounds great, what footage do you have?

MillerCoors rep: Well…we have you stealing money from this bar when the bartender gave you too much change.

Guy in the bar: So…I’m not one of the genuinely good people you’re referring to in the spot?

MillerCoors rep: Well…no, you’re not.

Guy in the bar: Where do I sign?!?!?!

Please.

I do think the “genuine” people are not actors, but I strongly suspect that the others are.

• I’m not a big energy drink guy, as I don’t really trust them. They just seem wildly unhealthy to me. But, in a desperate attempt to revive my workout regimen, I took the plunge and tried the “Russian” Java Monster flavor. Good God, they are delicious! It’s like drinking a white Russian with a shot of chocolate milk. If you’re in the need of a quick boost, I highly recommend them.

• While we’re on the topic of White Russians, I know they’re not the most masculine of drinks, but if you’re a fan of White or Blind (replace cream or milk with Bailey’s) Russians, use vanilla vodka instead of regular; they’re way better that way.

• I don’t know how I managed to live a complete 9,882 days on this Earth without a DVR.

• I’m sorry, but I simply detest college football. Now, I have nothing against the players or coaches, in fact I find the quality of the football quite good. However, I am so sick and tired of hearing fans, commentators, etc. needlessly debate who should be the number one team in the country, who should go to the BCS Championship game, who the best, one-loss team is and on and on and on.

There’s a simple way to figure all of this out…have a playoff already! I know, I know, that makes too much sense, but apparently not for the presidents of major football colleges and universities. These are the real people that block a playoff system in college football.

Why you ask? Money, of course. The bowl system is a gravy train and losing it would derail funds that pay for endless programs in these schools.

You know, I find it rather humorous to hear people talk about college football being such a pure example of sport, one that’s not tarnished by greed or money like the seedy NFL or NBA. Yet, it is that very greed and money that is preventing the national championship from truly being decided on the field rather than in a computer.

• I still find it impossible to find a sharper, more relevant or cutting edge source of humor than The Onion. About a month ago, they put out a 1783 edition of the paper. I was in tears reading it. Anyone that enjoys American history will find this hilarious.

That’s all for now folks. Until next time, take care and be well.

-John